


The Incident

by Hawkeye_918



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, ScoutTakesAFall.png, i'm still bad at tags and summaries yes i know, if you just need a laugh today then here you go, rated T for language and... implications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 22:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19094374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkeye_918/pseuds/Hawkeye_918
Summary: Scout receives an unlikely injury.(One-shot.)





	The Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda short but I hope this gives you a laugh!! Enjoy!!

Sniper wiped the last few bits of shaving cream off his face then put his straight razor away.

****

He double checked that he hadn’t missed any spots, then smiled into the mirror with a look of self-satisfaction.

****

It had been nice being able to shower earlier without craning his neck at a funny angle. The cramped bathroom in his camper left much to be desired, and he could appreciate the much more spacious locker room in the base on the occasions where he happened to spend the night there.

****

Which he maybe, totally, absolutely did last night. 

****

Innocently enough, he had been sitting with Scout on his bed, the both of them listening to records and reading. Scout was engrossed in a comic book, while Sniper had been reading a book on the history of the great American gravel pits and just… nodded off. 

****

But presently, Scout was in the middle of loudly crooning a selection of top 40 pop hits in the shower.

****

They were the only ones in the locker room, which probably contributed to Scout’s lack of shame. Sniper himself was bare-chested, meaning to put on a shirt after shaving.

****

Scout’s singing was cut off abruptly by a wet squeaking noise, a startled yelp, and a loud  _ thud _ .

****

“Oh,  _ motherfuck _ .” Scout declared intelligently from the shower floor.

“You okay?” Sniper shouted, wasting no time in running over.

****

“I, uh, fell.” Scout said, bashfully sticking his head out from behind the shower curtain.

****

“What were you doing that made you fall?” Sniper asked, raising an eyebrow.

****

“I legit just took a step forward an’ next thing I know, I’m fallin’ backwards, okay?  _ I don’t know. _ ” Scout sighed, pulling his head back into the shower.

****

“Are you hurt?” Sniper asked, the humor of the situation wearing off and concern settling in.

****

“I think so. But not bad? I can get up, it’ll just. Uh. Take me a second.” 

****

“D’you need a hand?” 

****

“Nah.” Scout said with passable conviction.

****

His pained noises reverberated off the shower walls as he righted himself.

****

Scout stuck an arm out and grabbed his towel off a hook.

****

He climbed out of the shower, towel wrapped around himself and wet hair slicked back. His teeth were clenched in pain.

****

“So what exactly did you hurt when you fell?” Sniper asked, giving him a onceover and checking for any obvious signs of  injury.

****

Scout took a deep breath.

****

“My ass.” Scout mumbled, looking away.

****

“What did you say?” Sniper asked, genuinely unsure what Scout had said.

****

“I said I  _ busted my ass. _ ” Scout said significantly louder. His face was bright red and he still refused to make eye contact.

****

“Could you show me?” Sniper frowned, worry increasing.

****

Scout gave him a mildly startled look.

****

“Not like that! I just--” Sniper stalled for a second. “I’ve just seen you naked loads of times so it’s not-- oh, I don’t mean it like that either--” He sighed and covered his face with his hands.

****

“It’s not like I mind showin’ you or anythin’, it’s just… embarrassin’.” Scout said meekly. “It’s a frickin stupid way to get hurt, is all.”

****

“I’m not here to judge you, mate. Although it was sort of funny. Just turn around, give us a look.” 

****

Scout furrowed his brow and bit his lip. Reluctantly, he complied.

****

His back to Sniper and the doorway, his front to the rest of the empty locker room, Scout dropped his towel.

****

Sniper exhaled sharply in sympathy at the red mark spreading out from the center of the small of Scout’s back, directly over his butt.

****

Sniper frowned. “Looks like you did something to your tailbone. Better see Doc about it.”

****

“You really think so?” Scout asked, attempting to look over his shoulder at his behind.

****

The tell-tale creak of an old wooden door opening immediately drew attention to the man in the doorway.

****

Engie stood there, frozen, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.

****

Scout and Sniper froze as well.

****

Face as red as a tomato in the sun, Engie wordlessly backed out of the room.

****

“Oh, crap.” Scout said.

 

 

* * *

 

****

 

“Scout, you’re goin’ to have to tell the Doc eventually.” Sniper murmured, very carefully pouring his cup of coffee. “Waiting isn’t gonna do you any favors.”

 

It had been three days since the initial slip and Scout’s pain had crescendoed into a persistent dull throb.

 

“I know, I know. I’ll see him soon. I swear.” He held his right hand up in a salute. “Scout’s honor.”

 

Sniper chuckled. “How long have you been waiting to use that one?”

 

“You don’t even wanna know, pal.” Scout laughed, grabbing a couple oranges off the kitchen counter as they left for the main dining area.

 

Sniper sat down at the table with the others.

 

Scout opted to just stand at the table.

 

That garnered him some bizarre looks.

 

He nonchalantly started peeling an orange.

 

“Why don’t you sit down and stay awhile, lad?” Demo joked, biting into his bagel.

 

“Oh I, uh, can’t.” Scout said simply, stuffing the orange peel in his pocket. He could chuck it out later.

 

“What do ye mean?” Demo asked through a mouthful of breakfast.

 

“I can’t sit down.” Scout shrugged, popping an orange wedge into his mouth.

 

Engie spat out his coffee.

 

Sniper raised an eyebrow at that.

 

It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to come to some certain conclusions based on the evidence provided, so naturally, with his eleven PHDs, Engie had seemingly put two and two together.

 

No one else seemed to notice Engie’s spit-take, thankfully.

 

“Yeah, too much Bonk! is makin’ me  _ extra  _ jittery. Can’t sit still.” Scout quickly covered. As a precocious child, he had learned to lie proficiently on the fly at a young age. He didn’t have to as much these days, and preferred honesty if he had the choice, but it was a decent skill to keep.

 

“More than usual?” Medic piped up, interest piqued.

 

“ _ Totally.  _ Can I talk to you about that later, Doc? If it’s cool?” Scout asked. He could always tell the truth later, right?

 

“Ja, of course. Meet me at the lab after breakfast.” Medic said with a nod.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Sniper walked Scout to Medic’s lab.

 

Scout hated going to the doctor’s office as a kid, and he hated it infinitely more so as an adult. Scout had faith in Medic’s abilities, of course, he just loathed being used for a human guinea pig.

 

“You’re gonna be fine, you know.” Sniper said, voice low, giving Scout a reassuring pat on the back.

 

“I’ve been less worried comin’ in here with my arm shot off.” Scout said with an uneasy laugh.

 

“ _ Willkommen, Scout! _ ” Medic said excitedly, throwing open the doors to his lab. He paused for a second.

 

“Oh, and Sniper. Hallo to you as well.” Medic continued, a little surprised. 

 

“G’day, Doc. I’ll be here. Yell if you need me, Scout.” Sniper said, sitting down in a waiting room chair. He leaned back and put his hat down over his face. He wouldn’t have sat down for a nap if he wasn’t absolutely sure Scout would be okay. 

 

“He’ll be fine.” Medic said dismissively, ushering Scout into the lab.

 

Scout hopped up onto the exam table, momentarily forgetting his injury. The cold metal had him leaping off the table instantly.

 

Medic hadn’t noticed this, his back to Scout as he rifled through some files on his desk.

 

Clipboard in one hand, pen in the other, Medic spun around, the picture of unrestrained glee.

 

The sheer enthusiasm he had for his job wasn’t nearly as reassuring as one might think.

 

“So, you have suspicions that your caffeine intake is too high?” Medic asked, poised to take notes.

 

“Well, uh, no, actually.” Scout said, sheepishness setting in.

 

“No?” Medic asked, eyebrow raised.

 

“Yeah, I… lied, at breakfast.” He looked at the wall somewhere behind Medic.

 

“It is not good form to lie to your doctor, Scout.” Medic said in a sing-song manner, annoyance present in his voice.

 

Scout scratched his eyebrow distractedly. “I couldn’t say what was really botherin’ me in front of the other guys, okay? It’s super embarassin’.”

 

Medic took a step forward, clearly curious. “Go on.”

 

“My… my ass hurts.” Scout bit the inside of his cheek.

 

“Your… ass?” Medic asked, expression searching.

 

Scout nodded. “My ass.”

 

“I see.” Medic said, although he didn’t.

 

“Well Stretch says that I did something to my tailbone? Like, he was there when I got hurt and I asked--” Scout abruptly cut himself off.

 

The flash of surprise over Medic’s face was not at all concealed.

 

“How did you injure yourself?” Medic asked, forcing down a grin and attempting to maintain his professionalism.

 

“I slipped in the shower.” Scout said, looking Medic straight in the eye.

Medic slapped a hand over his mouth, but the giggles escaped anyway.

 

Scout scowled.

 

This just made Medic laugh even harder, nearly doubling over.

 

“Really, Doc?” Scout asked with a weary sigh.

 

Medic wiped a tear from his eye. “Hoo hoo, I’m sorry. This is all just--” 

 

“Look, I can go if you’re not done laughin’. Don’t let me interrupt you.” Scout said, moving towards the door. 

 

Medic cleared his throat. “I’m done, my apologies. Come over here and show me, bitte.”

 

Scout hesitated a moment.

 

It’s embarrassing but perfectly normal to disrobe in front of your doctor when the situation calls for it.

 

It’s also embarrassing to disrobe in front of your coworkers, and it is infinitely weirder than disrobing in front of your doctor. 

 

And frankly, Scout thought enough of his coworkers had seen his behind for the week.

 

Scout stepped over, turned around, and lifted up the back of his shirt just enough to show off the area.

 

There was an angry purple splotch very low on his back. 

 

Medic poked it. 

 

Scout screamed and jumped a foot in the air.

 

“Oh, ja, that tailbone is  _ bruised _ .”

 

“Thank you, Hippocrates.” Scout said with a roll of his eyes, pronouncing the name like Hippo-crates. 

 

“So, let me see. You were in the shower with Sniper, and slipped somehow?” Medic asked, considering poking the bruise again. For science.

 

“No!” Scout practically shrieked. He pulled down his shirt and took a second to steady his voice. “I was in the shower by myself! _Alone_! Stretch just happened to be in the locker room, so I asked for his opinion. That’s it.” He turned on his heel and held up a finger in protest.

 

“Mm-hm. Sure.” Medic said, not believing him and most certainly not threatened.

 

Scout rolled his eyes again. “Whateva. What I’d like to know is, if you’ve healed me since I got this bruise, if I’ve used a dispenser and health packs  _ and  _ respawned since I got this bruise, why the hell hasn’t it gone away? It hurts like a bitch, man.”

 

Medic considered it for a second. “I have no idea,'' he said with a shrug. 

 

“Legit?” Scout asked, brow furrowed.

 

“Indeed. Just take a few ibuprofen a day for a week or two, and it should be gone in no time.” Medic dropped the clipboard back on his desk, disappointed he wouldn’t get to poke through anyone’s organs that day. Yet.

 

“That’s it?” Scout asked, head cocked to the side, disbelief heavy in his voice.

 

“That’s it.” Medic gave a nod. He showed Scout to the door. 

 

“Now be careful, Scout!” Medic said, giving him a look Scout recognized from teachers back in school.

 

“You too, Sniper.” Medic said with a wink.

 

Sniper blinked slowly. “Erm. Alright.” 

 

Medic smiled and disappeared back into his lab.

 

“I’ve got the distinct feelin’ I’m missin’ out on something.” Sniper said, still looking at the doorway.

“Good. ‘Cause I don’t feel like explainin’.” Scout said starting down the hallway.

 

Sniper fell into step with him. He took a minute to consider things. 

 

“So does he think we’re…” Sniper trailed off, waving his hand in an awkward gesture.

 

“Apparently.” Scout said tiredly.

 

“I know we were gonna tell the rest of the team  _ eventually _ , but it looks like--”

Sniper stopped mid-sentence when they rounded a corner and came face-to-face with Engie.

 

“Heya, Hardhat.” Scout said, trying to sound casual.

 

Sniper just gave a nod in greeting.

 

Engie cleared his throat nervously. “Hey, boys. Been lookin’ around for ya. Just wanted to apologize for… bargin’ in, the other day.” A bit red-faced, he took off his hardhat and held it to his chest.

 

After a beat, he continued. “And I’m sorry I didn’t say nothin’ sooner.  _ And  _ as y’all’s friend, I support y’all fully, but as y’all’s colleague? There are better places to have yer private time.”

 

Scout and Sniper exchanged looks.

 

Sniper pulled the brim of his hat a bit lower over his face.

 

Scout coughed and scratched the back of his neck. 

 

“That’s-- that’s somethin’ to keep in mind, there, buddy. Thanks.” Scout said, looking away. “Just, uh, we weren’t… y’know…”

 

Engie raised an eyebrow. “Whatever you say, son.” He shrugged amicably and went on his way.

 

“That went better than I thought. I wonder why he didn’t believe you though.” Sniper mused.

 

“Hell if I know why anyone around here does anything.” Scout said with a laugh.

 

They resumed their walk back to the main area of the base.

 

“D’you think the guys’ll ever let us live that down?” Scout asked, knowing full well the answer.

 

“Absolutely not.” Sniper said, smiling.

 

“I guess it is what it is, then.” Scout said with a grin, slinging an arm around Sniper’s shoulder as they walked.

 

Sniper laughed. "It is what it is."

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> the team means well, lol.  
> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed. my tf2 tumblr is @teleported-bread if you wanna say hi! pls leave kudos/comment if you're so inclined.
> 
> have a nice day! <3


End file.
